Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Corporate Newspeak 4

Happy Path: (n) Totally unrealistic sequence of events leading to a business success. Usually becomes the baseline against which reality is measured by project planners and execs. Any discrepancy between Happy Path and reality is considered a failure of doers.

Work a Half Day: (v) Leave at five.

Swamped: (adj) Procrastinating, usu to such an extent that no work can be accomplished.
Usage: "I'm swamped! I can't get to your e until next week."

Showed Great Leadership: (v) Disagreed with everyone.
Usage: "We thank Miss Veyron for her years of service to the firm. She showed great leadership."
Note: can only used in termination announcements, and only in the past tense.

Pelican Manager: (n) A manager who swoops in surreptitiously, shits all over everything, and flies away with much ado.
(note: I don't know where this one started, but I think it's awesome!)

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